Being Perceived

The information provided herein does not constitute medical advice or are not provided by medical doctors and should not be relied upon as such.

This is a feeling that is very common within the neurodiverse community and is associated with a strong sense of resistance. In this article, we will explore where it stems from and how it affects facilitation.

The feeling that someone is observing or watching us falls within the realm of the psyche, where we find hypervigilance, social anxiety, and stress related to belonging to a minority group. Most of society is "neurotypical" (alistic), meaning that from a biological perspective, the brains of most people function similarly, and those brains that visibly differ in function can be called neurodivergent. And suddenly, a minority emerges. Social systems are built on the basis of the majority—its behavior, needs, ideas, and expectations. And anything that deviates from the social norm is noticed by those around us and carries the risk of discrimination and social sanctions. We are primarily talking about different ways of expressing oneself (tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact, etc.) and different needs (e.g., sensory needs). If a person is a member of a marginalized group, this can lead not only to social sanctions but also to enforced conformity.

One of the defense mechanisms is self-focused attention (SFA). This is the moment when an individual perceives not only their surroundings but also their inner world from the perspective of an observer. In practice, this might look like this: the moment you think someone is looking at you, you become hyper-aware of your movements, eye contact, facial muscles, etc. You are constantly scanning yourself. This causes a high level of stress and anxiety (anticipatory anxiety) and disrupts the entire nervous system. This leads to rapid overwhelm, meaning the individual is outside their window of tolerance.

What does this mean for us as facilitators? For example, that for some neurodivergent clients, a group workshop is better than an individual session because there the facilitator's (authority's) attention is distributed across the entire group. Such an environment may be more manageable for the individual's nervous system than if the facilitator were to focus on them personally. Although techniques such as breath mirroring (whether through movement or words), reflective listening, or verbally describing the client's emotions are beneficial in many cases, here they may trigger greater anxiety. Personally, I would recommend positioning yourself parallel to the client whenever possible. Be mindful of where you look during the session and for how long. And I'm not afraid to explain why I'm looking at the lower part of their ribs right now or where I'll be looking during the next step and why.

Of course, this is just a tiny idea of how to create little bit more inclusive space. I believe that every facilitator who aims to create a safe space will find a way to create it for every client or group.

On the Social Dynamics of the "Visible Neurominority": Radulski, E. M. (2022). Conceptualising Autistic Masking, Camouflaging, and Neurotypical Privilege: Towards a Minority Group Model of Neurodiversity. Human Development. Read the study framework here.

On Self-Focused Attention and Bodily Hyper-Awareness: ResearchGate. (2021). Exploring the Cognitive Model of Social Anxiety in Autistic Young People—The Central Role of Bodily Symptoms. Access the research data here.

On professional Spaces and Anticipatory Vigilance: Herron, C. L. (2026). The credibility gap: Neurodivergence, invisible disability and queerness in psychological spaces. British Psychological Society (BPS). Read the professional commentary here.

Walker, N. (2021). Neurodiversity: Some basic terms and definitions. In Neuroqueer Heresies: Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities (pp. 11-20). Autonomous Press.